RIP Woolies...xxx

Me and my friend Ari went to Woolworth's today to check out the *MASSIVE* sale that was going down today...
doing my bit to save the British economy and what not...spend spend spend baby!!

I really do feel sad about the whole situation to be fair, I bought my first single, album etc from Woolworth, as well as endless amounts of sweets and fizzy drinks on any given Saturday morning of my youth...it was there that I first experienced the joy I got from my stationary obsession as well as my first forays into fashion and styling (the Ladybird range - you dun' know!!)...my heart is torn at the present circumstances, not torn enough to buy Woolworth's for a £1 and work my out of three-hundred-and-a-ridiculous-amount-of-money-pounds but still I'm torn...

So back to the story...we go in there, and I'm determined to pay my final respects to such a beautiful institution, while Ari is just looking for bargains (she's from Bermuda, so I'm guessing she doesn't have the same emotional ties like me)...and I dunno what I was expecting, but there was nothing dignified about Woolworth's today, empty shelves, stock haphazardly thrown about the place, people wandering around with dazed/anxious expressions clutching at whatever items they happened to find, no staff to be seen (because they were all frantically scanning goods at the till). I really couldn't understand it.

UNTIL I tried to my own bit of shopping...well it would of been smash-and-grab if I had found anything to grab...

The first few shelves were empty, BARE!! Then I turned a corner and found the maximum amount of those Christmas chocolate selection packs...



After 5 seconds of contemplating whether I had any use for this in my life, I realised no, so I moved on...

Next corner I found the Brattz section, miraculously untouched...it was like finding Pompeii, so serene, so empty...I spent some time trying to find a Brattz doll I wanted to buy...yeah I know Brattz are kinda like Barbie's nympho/Lolita stepsister, but I did want one at one time (Brattz Diamondz Sasha - for obvious reasons), but I wasn't really down for lugging a Brattz Winter retreat house with real jacuzzi etc etc across London. By now I had lost Ari in the madness, I encountered stressed pregnant ladies, sullen fathers, it really looked like a funeral wake, except more depressing, with a strong whiff of hopelessness wafting about. I also realised why everyone looked so vacant but anxious - there is supposed to be A FIFTY PERCENT SALE AT WOOLWORTH'S! WHY THE HECK COULD I NOT FIND ANYTHING THAT I WANTED!!!

In desperation I picked up two of those JML products, one magni-tweezer thing, then I realised - I get my eyebrows threaded by professionals...I NEVER touch them, except to smooth them over in the morning. The other was that MagniReader Credit Card thing, for my mother, then I realised she would be thinking "why the heck did you buy me this??" so I put it down and waded through the ridiculously long queues that snaked around the shop (WHAT THE HELL WERE THESE PEOPLE BUYING!! I COULDN'T FIND A BLARSTED THING!!) to the media sections. I mean, good old Woolworth's should have some trusty DVDs and CDs...

NO. NO. NOOOO. Out of desperation again I started picking up 90s complication CDs and really old DVDs like X Men and such...I mean I love X Men, but I'm waiting for the boxset!...I came to my senses and put them back on the shelf (in a different position - I was loosing hope). Finally I made it to the back of the shop...SALVATION!! The homewares section...I realised that I needed bedsheets...couldn't find a decent bedspread set that I liked, so I settled for a black fitted sheet (I've been thinking about the whole black thing on my bed for a while...and fitted sheets are so much easier to live with)...and THANK GOODNESS I found the decoration-section, and bought one of those collage frames things...a massive one...so breathing heavily with relief I traipsed over to join the rest of them in the queue...you'll be pleased to note I managed to find Ari in the end (after phonecalls and GPS co-ordination).

Someone in the londonpaper commented that it felt like rifling through the pockets of a corpse...and it really did...I wanted to give Woolworth's a dignified farewell, but desperation and the consumer mindset got the better of me...I'll see how much us riflers managed to raise tomorrow morning on Sky News with Mr Holmes...

It's a sad day in British history...but Woolworth's is officially dead...even if they find a buyer I doubt I'll set foot in there again...the final memory was too horrible, I didn't even say goodbye properly, by then I was too relieved to get out of that soul-destroying place...

Goodbye Woolworth's...I'll always (mostly) have fond memories...